he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
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One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
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She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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