I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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