I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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