it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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