mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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