if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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