just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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