1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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