maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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