Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
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There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
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There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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