I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
