If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
