i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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