just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
