During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
tell me about the fingering
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
