oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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