i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
