Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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