I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
