walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
