If i come over, it means nothing
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You need a sexual gate keeper
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
