She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
