but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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