I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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