The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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