The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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