is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
