The best revenge is premature balding
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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