He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I understand Curling. That high.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
