Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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