I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your like the ambassador to my penis.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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