very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
