when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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