sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
