Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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