just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
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We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
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Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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