your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i drank out of a bidet.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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