you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
