btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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