i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
