Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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