tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
