I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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