I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
