She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
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Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
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How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am