Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower