Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
PANTIES FOUND
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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