Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
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Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
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Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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