i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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