He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Randomize
