if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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