she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
