There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
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This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
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I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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