I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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