I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So vagazzling was a success
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
