8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
3pm strippers are depressing
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
