'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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