you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
