Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
